A Daily Check-In

So... Hello, again. If you've taken the time to peruse this blogging site, you may have noticed that I have written a few posts in the past. To be completely transparent, I forget to continue. Or, there is the elusive depression. When it rears it's ugly head, I tend to have moments where I lose myself. 

Sometimes, I feel as if I've become lost in the abyss-- Even though I am right here, my avatar, in the flesh, in real-time. 

It actually, very well may be my ADHD. I get extremely overwhelmed and overstimulated. This is seeming, more and more, to be the root cause for my anxiety and depression. It's been nearly 7 years since I started going to therapy, and I am just now focusing on the ADHD. I think, when I started therapy, that I was just so focused on my depression. Which, honestly, with all that I've been through, makes perfect sense. It even explains some of the anxiety. 

For me, I see these "diagnosis" as a challenge to overcome. I don't necessarily like labels, but they do help one to overcome what they need to. For me, my depression was so prevalent, and for so long in my life, that I felt I had no choice but to try medication. I even had a hospital visit in the ER looking for help, as well as doing two weeks of PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program). 

What I realized, while in PHP, is that I actually do have and already know quite a few coping mechanisms that'd help my depression and anxiety. I just get so overwhelmed, that I forget them. The biggest lesson learnt, though, was that there is no magic-pill to make me feel better. The only way for me to get there, is through introspection. And, boy, have I made that a hobby of mine. So much so, that it has it's detrimental moments. 

So, my depression was met with logic. I've had long stints where I've shed my depressive cloak, and felt the sun on my face. I have worked extremely hard to get my depression under control without the help of meds. But recently it has gotten worse.

Why? Medication. SSRIs. With trying lots of different medication, literally like every single one under the sun, I've come to the understanding that SSRIs make me worse. I mean, honestly, I can't blame it all on the meds. However, I do believe that I am just a highly sensitive person, with stressors in her life. Therefore, the medication, or SSRIs, that I try, enhance what is already there. 

This latest medication, Fluoxetine / Prozac, has been really wearing me down. So much, that I needed to stop taking it. And quite frankly, I'm not even using the medication for the depression. We are supposed to be working on anxiety management. 

Since I've stopped taking the Fluoxetine, I've started to feel like myself again. Well, with the meds being out of my system, and the fact that I'm talking, and trying to always be 100% transparent, with my therapist. We'll call her "June." 

At the end of my latest Tuesday therapy session, [June] suggested that I start journaling again. 

I'm a writer. I love writing introspective poetry, classically written romance novellas, and psychological dramas. But journaling? Not my strong suit. Do I add real emotion and use my creative writing to help me process? Yes, but it's not quite enough-- I fear. 

When [June] made this suggestion, it was more for my thoughts on the medication, the management of it, how I've been feeling (as side-effects from the different medications), and how I'm processing. I'm not sure if it was a suggestions to be done daily, but I do think it best to go all in, or else I won't do it. I'll either forget, get overwhelmed, or just plain unmotivated. But, as you may now know, I am always up for a challenge. I believe in myself. I know my limitations, and am still learning my habits. 

So to help myself, I've set up a daily alarm. When I should have been taking my medication, I'll sit down and journal. The key, for me though, is not to pressure myself too much. That'll just cause immense anxiety, thus leading to paralyzation. So, If I need to give myself more time, I'll sit down and write in the evening-- When everyone else is asleep. (Too often, that's the only time my mind quiets down, and my nerves start to settle into a calmer frequency.)

I invite you to come along with me on this journey. As Shoshana Eitz, I have two blogs up, and one in the works. Mining My Gold Mind is full of poetry, and sprinkled with a few essays, and snippets from my stories. Mining My Emotional Rollercoaster will host this Daily Check-In. Soon, hopefully, I'll have a recipe page up. These blogs aren't for anyone but myself. However, if you someone happens to stumble across any of them, I hope they are intrigued and would be interested in subscribing and following along on my journey.

• New Daily Check-In journaling blog: Mining: My Emotional Rollercoaster
• Poetry, Essays, and Stories: This blog / Mining: My Gold Mind
• Flexitarian Recipes: Coming soon - 2026

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